A Beverly Hills hillbilly had strayed far from his country pack of beer-belly drunks during a skirmish on the outskirts of Pontypool with the local bikers to look for a female companion. Stalking a flock of migrating birds, he found himself in the rich, hovel of Toronto, the land where the trees no longer stands in the water. Various sources have claimed “some intoxicated months ago, a face in the mirror in one of his slaughterhouse commanded him to journey to a distant land to escape his slumdog-life to hypergamy with a female of high standings”. When he had succeeded in his journey, he began his operations of courting various aristocratic beings that he had heard so much about from tales told by his grand-daddies before him, who they refer to as a Torontonian. For days, he had searched high and low picking out the best breeding female, particularly something along the line of his sexual desires like an abusive, narcissistic Shinatty-Chan. His acts of pervasion and social indecency became known around the ‘hood, but it had attracted the attention of the local boys in blue who despised and rejected any unfamiliar males on their territories attempting to court their females. The Hillbilly later claimed they rounded him up from one of his peeking bushes and brought him to their dark, grilling room where they had offered him two choices: voluntarily leave the land and never return or be “persuaded” to leave. In protest, he said with pride and ignorance, “I was born … a rebel!” He blacked out after he claimed the boys played “wack the piñata” on him with their glow-in-the-dark night sticks and woke abruptly to discover he was alone. That is until the only light blub in the room that was swinging back and forth revealed a man in a dirty panda suit who proceeded to commit unspeaking acts of vicious mind rape on the poor hillbilly. “Minutes like days, hours like months, no longer can I endure the relentless pounding of my mind, like a steam engine from ma ma’s train,” he said. He gave in and pleaded for mercy and promised to leave and never return. The same boys that had brought him in took him out to the woods and left him there hoping the wolves or coyote would get him. The hillbilly, wishing to remain anonymous, is now filing a court case against the blue boys who had caused him great pain that he has to put off any attempts to mate for the rest of the season. When asked if he would attempt at courting, he replied, “HELL YEAH!” before indulging in a barrel full of beer.
