STUDENT PLANNING SCHOOL SHOOTING FOR SCHOOL FILM FEST ARRESTED

On March 2, 2009, the Toronto police arrested an 18 year old student named Henry Chang Li who allegedly planned a school shooting at Stephen Leacock C.I. It is believed he was inspired from viewing various Hollywood movies involving genocide and massacres such as Hotel Rwanda and had a desire to make a film of his own. When the school announced its first annual film fest in early 2009, that was when the planning began.

Officials alleged that the student had taken various visits to the gun department in his local Wal-Mart. John doe, an underpaid worker at the gun department, was surprised by the news and said the boy was a very kind person and had a brilliant sense of humour. “We were like homies, yo. Gave me lots of nickies like ‘Wigga’, ‘Twig’ and ‘White Bread’. Always refer a gun as his lovely lady.”

Many of Henry’s classmates gave accounts of his strange, developing behaviours over the years. One student said, “Two or five year ago, he started having this deadly, demonic devious-stare and sometimes when he thinks to himself he starts smiling like a pervert.” However, the staffs failed to notice anything odd. One of Henry’s teachers had this to say when he discovered that he was one of many on a hit-list. “I never expect that I could’ve been targeted! I knew he was gonna get one of the math teachers but why me? I only failed him once and (barely) passed him the second time. I mean, there are persistent students that don’t know when to give up and are failing the third time and they haven’t got anything against me.”

A junior-grade student had recently come forth revealing himself as the main actor of the movie. “I heard someone was making a movie and heard he was looking for someone who is a social outcast, preferable white, for the role,” he said. “I had nothing better to do so I came up to him. He chose me because he said I looked very unique compared to all the ‘other typical white emo kid’ and was perfect for the role.” But the student claimed he was unaware of the full content of the movie until the script was finished. “I knew I was going to get those annoying Buchan kids, but I didn’t want to harm the Pauline Johnson kids cause they were too little. But he kept insisting because it would make the movie more moving and that the audiences love tragedy.”

Many students expressed outrage and shock at the news. But one student says its just one of many negative perceptions associated with Stephen Leacock. “In the past, we had Terrorist, nearby shootings, SARS, Mike Meyer and now, Henry Chang Li.”

THE MAP

An epic tale inspired by stolen expressions and words and cutouts of dirty magazines!




He was hot on his feet as he skipped across the alleyway that had recently been swarmed by the homeless after the local shelter swept them out. The boys in blue flocked high and low in search of their man. The man was in deep trouble with not only the law but also of the Triads after he refused to pay the fat chick from Wilson Phillps who provided him a dreadful service. In an uncertain world, he needed to escape from the hazardous surrounding as his supply of popper pills was depleted. He picked up an Eye Weekly newspaper from a pile of trash and flipped through the pages. One page caught his eyes as it had a map of Toronto. He tore the map out and threw the paper at a pink-looking puddle. He looked at the map and realized Toronto was smaller than he thought. He was on Young ST. and can head straight south until he reached Queens where he can continue on and reach Lake Ontario. Then, he can escape from the beaver and fly away on the eagle. “SUPER SEX ME!” he screamed as he made a dash out the alleyway and ran straight down the street with the map in his hand while following the arrow above his forehead pointing to his destination.

ALIVE!!!

! 'em @l!\/3 1i773 n00bz (I am alive little noobs)!!!

+h3 l@cl< 0f p0z7 \/\/@z @ r3zul7 0f l@zyin3zz and \/\/1ll 70 \/\/r!73 (The lack of post was a result of laziness and will to write).

The Encounter at the Jewellery Store!

The Encounter at the Jewellery Store!

N: Twas the night before Christmas and A was in search of a perfect engagement ring for his bride. All the Jewellery stores were either sold out r had been pillaged by insane shoppers because of the massive sales and discounts. However, there was still one store left with its displays and windows intact. He enters the store seeking what he wanted.
A: Ah such elegant display of beauty and culture.
N: A man appears from behind a counter.
?: Excuse me, can I help you?
A: Ah, you must be a worker here.
?: Ain’t too obvious, eh?
A: Ahem, I am in need of the most wonderful engagement ring that this store has to offer.
?: Other side of this display, sir.
A: Thank you, good chap. By the way, you may refer to me as A. I prefer to remain anonymous with I am in public.
?: Yeah? Well, I’m B.
A: But your nametag says-
B: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. You got 38 minutes before I lock up.
N: A looks at the display of rings while B just stared at him.
A: I must say, this one here looks splendid! Where is it from?
B: Don’t know. I only work here.
A: Figures. Well, I’ll take this.
B: Yeah, yeah.
N: As the ring is being removed from its display, A notices something.
A: Hey! There’s a small scratch on the ring!
B: Man, it’s just a small scratch. You can hardly see it.
A: I demand a better one!
B: Look sir, this is the only one less and you get it cheaper since it was on display. C’mon don’t argue with me. It’s been a long day. Besides, only this store has this ring and all the other stores are either sold-out or closed.
A: Y-y-you goddamn … fine, I’ll take it.
B: Don’t worry man, your honey won’t notice.
N: And so, the transaction was completed. A left bitter for the moment and B went home.